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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever imagine. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding mystery and independence. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do low-cost dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie excess, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal habits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, bad gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks affirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet display.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {